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A boggart is a shapeshifter that usually lurks in dark places.  It has no definite form, taking the shape of that which is most feared by the person who encounters it.  When it is not in the sight of a person, it is believed to look like a dark blob.  Muggles’ Guide to Harry Potter

The more we see from this Trump presidency, the clearer it becomes that Trump is a boggart.  He’s an insecure, weak, pathetic little man whose truth is derived from whatever catches his attention on cable news.  He’s got no mind of his own and no ideas beyond those which are spoon-fed to him.  What he stands for is amorphous, depending entirely on political expediency.

Who is Donald Trump, really?  Nobody knows.  I doubt even he knows.

Donald Trump is the form onto which we project our worst fears: a country falling into poverty; our mother being unable to afford medical care; our dearest friends being hunted and deported; nuclear holocaust; internment camps; irreparable damage to our environment; schools falling into educational disrepair.  All the nightmares we have about what our future might look like during and after a Trump presidency we ascribe one man:  Donald Trump.

He is not those things.

Trump Muffin crochet pattern

When you look closely, you see that Trump is merely a conduit through which these awful ideas flow.  He is a hollow puppet. A shadow figure. A straw man.

Do you see how Trump crumbles when mocked? How he can’t bear to be the butt of a joke on Saturday Night Live?

Boggarts feed on your fear and are defeated with laughter.

Trump is a boggart.

The key to combating boggarts is the Riddikulus charm.  When this charm is used effectively, the boggart changes its shape to whatever the caster is thinking about – the more hilarious, the better.

Once you rid yourself of the boggart, you can focus your efforts on the real problems.  In our case, the real problems are the dementors Trump’s brought to the White House.

Thus, I bring you this Trump Muffin pattern, the first in my series of turning Trump into ridiculous things.  As long as Trump is in office, I’m going to be casting the Riddikulus charm so that I can keep my eye on the dementors. I hope you’ll join me.

Laughter is the best medicine, and for me, the best defense against hopelessness.

Donald Trump is the form onto which we project our worst fears - a boggart. Click To Tweet

Trump Muffin Pattern

Trump Muffin is worked in three pieces – the muffin part, which is worked in continuous rounds; the frosting, which is worked flat; and his cute little baseball cap which is worked in continuous rounds.  The pattern uses basic amigurumi skills and is easy enough for a beginner.

You will need:

Trumpy orange worsted weight yarn

Yellow worsted weight yarn

Small bit of red worsted weight yarn

Embroidery floss – black, white, orange, pink

9mm safety eyes

Size G crochet hook (I LOVE the Clover Armor hooks – they are the best for amigurumi!)

Stuffing

Muffin

Worked in continuous rounds from bottom of muffin to top edge.

  1. With orange yarn, make magic ring. 6 sc into MR.
  2. 2 sc into each st around (12)
  3. [1 sc, inc] around (18)
  4. [2 sc, inc] around (24)
  5. [3 sc, inc] around (30)
  6. in BLO only, sc around
  7. sc around
  8. sc around
  9. [4 sc, inc] around (36)
  10. sc around
  11. sc around
  12. [5 sc, inc] around (42)
  13. sc around
  14. sc around
  15. sc around
  16. Break yarn, weave in ends.

Attach safety eyes and embroider Trump Muffin’s face.  If you don’t enjoy embroidery, you can also use felt cutouts and glue like I did with Tiny Trump.  😉

Frosting

Worked flat.

  1. Leave a long tail for sewing, and with yellow yarn, ch 18
  2. In 3rd ch from hook, 2 hdc into same st, hdc to last two sts, hdc2tog, ch 2, turn (16)

From this point forward, all stitches are made in BLO (back loops only).

  1. hdc2tog, 13 hdc, 2 hdc into last st, ch 2, turn
  2. hdc 2 into first st, 13 hdc, hdc2tog, ch 2, turn
  3. [Repeat rows 3 and 4] 8 times (16 rows total)
  4. Repeat row 3.
  5. Sl st short ends of parallelogram together through BLO, and leave a long tail for sewing when you break the yarn.

Now we’re going to turn the cylinder into a pouf!

  1. Use the long tail to stitch the top of the cylinder together by inserting the needle through one stitch in every other row. Pull tightly, and weave in end.
  2. Stuff pouf firmly, and repeat the process in 8 for the bottom. After weaving in the end, do not break yarn!

Assembly

Stuff the muffin lightly, and stitch the pouf to the top edge of the muffin.  (The bottom of the pouf will fit inside the muffin.) Insert more stuffing and gently shape when you get close to the end.  Weave in yarn end.

With yellow yarn, insert hook into top row of muffin (covering the stitches where you sewed the frosting on) and sc around.  Ch 1, and then {[sc, dc, sc] into same stitch, sl st} around.  Break yarn and weave in ends.

Baseball Cap

Worked in continuous rounds from top to bottom.

Trump Muffin MAGA hat

  1. With red yarn, make magic ring. 6 sc into MR.
  2. 2 sc into each st around (12)
  3. [1 sc, inc] around (18)
  4. sc around
  5. sc around
  6. Begin working back and forth. sc 4, ch 1 turn
  7. sc 4
  8. dec, sc 2
  9. sc 3
  10. dec, sc 1
  11. Break yarn, leaving long tail for sewing.
  12. Weave yarn down side of baseball cap to base of hat, stuff lightly, and stitch onto the top of Trump Muffin’s head.

Congratulations!

You have successfully cast the Riddikulus charm and turned Trump into a muffin!

I hope you enjoyed making Trump Muffin with me!

Stay tuned, because the next pattern is going to be even more ridiculous than this one!  Are we friends on Instagram and Facebook? Click those links and follow Jen’s a Little Loopy for sneak peaks and other nonsense!  =)

Also….I made a companion recipe to go with Trump Muffin.  It is AMAZING and I’ll be sharing it in a few days.  😉

Trump Muffin with Mango Madness Muffin

If you like this pattern, don’t forget to pin and share!

Trump is a boggart. Cast the ridikulus charm and turn him into a Trump Muffin with this free crochet pattern!

XOXO,

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